Back to the rootz

I am currently living a very interesting experience: be back to live with my family.

It’s being an interesting experience. Somehow I can be outside of the group and analyze it... I don’t know exactly why – but I guess it’s mainly because I spent many years completely away from everyone here... I can join them, but not to make part of them anymore.

It should be bad... To do not belong to your family anymore... it should be. But I don’t feel like that. I can see now that I became a much better person in many senses. I am not saying that my family is bad. I couldn’t ever say that. But I felt clearly that some of my bad habits and behaviours, that gave me so much trouble along the way, are really much weaker nowadays. I am mainly talking about being aggressive, being negative and living with a lot of prejudice in my life. In some aspects (especially about the prejudice) I used to have a different approach of my whole family. But in the others... specially related to being aggressive I was always just like that – or one of the worse ones.

During my whole life I was criticized because of that. I always understood that I was wrong but couldn’t see how much. It’s incredible how living with my family takes it to another level. It’s common to scream, to fight all the time for everything... I changed. I am no longer that much like this.

I believe that the time spent in AIESEC changed me in this way. I am really much more de-attached of almost everything. I don’t buy almost any fight. It doesn’t seem to be worthy anymore. There are thousand other ways to get to the same endpoint – apart of fighting.

However, I am particularly surprised about this capacity of putting myself out and just understand what’s going on. I can understand my true roots... what made of me what I am right now. A clear example is about the concern about the environment, about wasting and being economic. Every single thing in my house is about reducing costs. It made of me a very cheap guy. Actually after living outside of Brazil for a while it helped me to be able to spend more money! :D

But the main learning point here for me is how we’re able to change almost anything we want – even in our personality – and into a very short span of time. If someone would stop on the past and tell me that I would be able to change that much about my personality, I would doubt forever. And I could actually do it. Some time ago I asked my first boss in AIESEC to give me feedbacks and points of improvement. He was totally right about the points that he wrote, but it was about the Marco that worked with him. I am now a very different person.

Now I would like to spend some time trying to rescue the things that I would miss from the old Marco. Something that I felt that I lost was my idealism. I used to be the person blind for an ideal - which is not the ideal state but for sure can drive a lot of good things and change many others.

After writing this post, I am asking myself if it should be a post or a page in a diary. Is it completely irrelevant? Should I have written it in a way that it could be more motivational in the line of: YES YOU CAN! or... is it good enough for people to know about me now or to inspire them to change themselves?

As I told before, I am much more de-attached to the things... so, I can say that... I just don’t care :D

John Mayer - 83 (all to deal with what I am talking about! :D)