About dreaming...

How far could you go chase dream? For me to answer this question, I would ask myself what is a dream... I guess these 2 questions are taking my sleep away these days. Because, in my definition a dream is nothing more than something that you really want to have or to make it happen.

This is a time of my life that my dreams appears to be heading to the same path. All of them. But at the same time it seems to be a great opportunity but also a big risk. I can get everything... or lose everything. For sure, if I had to choose, I wouldn’t play a game like this. I don’t mind about putting myself under risk, but definitely don’t feel attracted about a binary solution. I am not a PC.

Thinking about that I am taken to reflect about which should be my attitude regarding this huge opportunity. And then, my dreams are split again.

When it is about my professional life I know better how to handle. I collected the tips and I memorized the most important ones and I experienced tons of things and the most important thing: no fear. I remember my selection process for AI. Everything in English, the PAI, 2 VPERs and one director with me. A call at 6 am. No fear. I wasn’t selected but I remember clearly in my head my satisfaction to know that I did my best. If I wasn’t selected it was because the other person was the right to be there.

In the professional life I have tons of cases like that... and I am proud of them. Changing for my personal life... I cannot say the same.

I guess I even know the theories... I know how I should do the things and the most important thing... the things I shouldn’t do. And even though I keep doing the same mistakes over and over again...

I don’t like to play games... I am smart sometimes, I know how to play, but... in the end, what really matters is that, it’s just not me. I like people to know how I feel about them, I like to be together and close to the people... and one thing that is really important is the fact that I don’t know how to handle relationships where I don’t feel connected with the people. I barely know how to talk with them.

It generates me tons of problems... for sure. But there are two key points that comes from that: I keep people that I really love by my side and, I got screwed when the topic is love. It used to be a bigger problem when I was in Brazil in consequence of all the stereotypes that we have. But it wasn’t ever a big deal for me. I definitely never been a typical Brazilian anyway... but the feeling that I am getting screwed again makes me concern anyway.

Why am I talking about it right now in my blog? It has to deal with many of the things that I said about: people that are with me because they really care about me, no games, love and specially... dream.

One of my best friends (like my older brother) took me to reflect and consequently write this post. He was one of the people that better understood me and helped me in my whole life. Many times, just being there for me. And this guy showed me on the daily basis how and the importance about chasing your dreams. He always dreamt to be a musician and now that’s what he is doing. Since his songs are also about love, I am back to my reflections about myself and many other things.

And since I learned something with him, I won’t give up on my dreams. If it should happen or not... it’s not on my hands to decided. But something that my mom told me once and that I always took with, is what makes me like I said: with no fear.



“Everything is going to be fine in the end. If it’s not fine now, it’s just not the end.”

My dear friend Salomão and my favourite song of him...

December, 16th

I am an unlucky person. I know that when I say that I generally shock people. But it’s something that I got to know during my whole life. Indeed, I have some weird stories to share with you: the day that the window of my car broke because the air inside heated and expanded breaking the glass in the front; the day that I wasn’t accepted to run for the best internship of my city because the manager couldn’t open my CV (it was in PDF); the day that I served a plate in a restaurant that wasn’t receiving cards that day, I try to withdraw money and it blocks my card when I cancel my last trial – my old card just got expired in the week before (and I noticed with my plate done); the day that I was chosen (in first place and 2 more times) to solve an exercise in the white board in a class of statistics (my professor was using the function RANDOM in excel to make the selection); the laptop that I’ve bought from US is stolen in the luggage of my friend while coming; the presentation that I did for around 30 externals of our official handover event just doesn’t work (3 technical staff tried to resurrect it, but it just worked in the next day). So, you got the point, right?

Actually in my group of friends of my city (Turma do Mantega – Mantega’s Brotherhood) I became even an expression. When something is very unlucky for them in that day they say: “Today I’m Kehding (Kehdiando em portugues)” – because of my surname.

But there are days that I am particularly unlucky. December 16th seems to be one constant of these days. They say that “God Writes Straight With Crooked Lines” (“Deus escreve certo por linhas tortas”) Last year at December 16th I felt that He went out of the paper.

It was the elections for president of AIESEC in Brazil and I was ready to have one of the worst days of my life. I definitely don’t want to talk about it... not because I am not over it, but talking with a very special person, I realized that this episode is exactly where it should be: in the past.

Yesterday I had another of these really bad days. After tons of time of it happening, I created a theory that – when you start a bad day, you should just give up. Worse things are probably going to happen. And this day started extremely soon.

I took till 3 am to sleep because my arm was hurting a lot... (for the ones that may not know, I am with the right arm immobilized – I would like to say that it was because of a bullet in a robbery, or because I was hit by a wild car... but the truth is that, I fell from my roller blades... :( )After I had a meeting that made me wake up at 6:30 am. My contribution for this meeting was basically to eat the breakfast. I came back home to change and Juan kept my backpack. I supposed to use his, but it is a big deal to try to adjust a backpack with one only hand. Besides that, my hand was still hurting a lot. I went to the office and arrived around 11:30 there. I spent almost all the time unable to do something truly productive. The only impactful thing that I did was to tell something extremely stupid to someone that I really like and care.

At something around 6 pm (all this time waiting for that) I finally went to be checked by a doctor that sent me to the hospital to change my cast. After around 1,5h in the traffic jam we got to the Red Cross. There, I needed to wait until 12:00 to get ready – alone. I had time enough to think about my life, the stupid thing that I did in the afternoon, and many other things. At this time, I was losing the dinner that the people that I live with were having and exchanging gifts. That was a bad day...

But, as I suspect you don’t come to my blog to read me complaining about everything, right?

So, with time I realized that I am paying bills. I really can’t realize when I started to make the debt (and why is it so big), but after sometime I could see that I am in a karma express mode. From the last worst day of my life I was taken here. And I had soooo many happy things with that. Left my country for the first time, got to know AIESEC International, first International Congress... but the most important thing: people. My life mission. You’re the reason for me to be writing in English here.

And don’t worry... I don’t mind about being unlucky. It never affects the people around me (which is extremely important) and as soon as I still keep having soooo many good things with my unluckiness, I am quite fine. :)

My Monorail...

I love Simpsons. I not only love Simpsons but have less respect for the people that don’t like Simpsons. Just kidding but I really like Simpsons. Well... I have in mind many parts and episodes of the series. Some of those never got out of my mind.

I remember one episode where they wanted to construct a monorail (monotrilho in Portuguese and Monorriel in spanish) in Springfield. Obviously it was a very stupid thing to be constructed in a city small like Springfield. I don’t know if already happened with you but, “monorails” already gained some elections in my city and in my country. The best part of this episode is the end, when they say:

And that (the monorail) was the only folly the people of Springfield ever embarked upon. Except for the Popsicle stick skyscraper. And the 50-foot magnifying glass. And that escalator to nowhere. [..]

(By the way, I was so happy to find this image in google. I know that google supposed to have everything, but I saw many appearances of this image. More people are stupid like me in this world.)

The best thing about Simpsons in my opinion is the fact that (as it happen in my head) all the stories starts with something incredible stupid and different of the end of the story. For example, I remember the one about Brazil that started with Homer arguing with a telephonist. And many others. As strange as the links that I can create in my head.

Well, and why I was thinking about all of it? Because I was aiming to buy a Roller Blades (Patins, Patines de linea, Roller or however you call it in your language). And I actually did it. I didn’t feel like it’s my “Monorail” but, I almost could hear my mom saying me that it is. :D I think when you’re a kid your parents are the best people to protect you against monorails. The games that you’re going to play once and throw it away, the new and cool clothes that you’re going to use one time and that’s it... and many other things. But, as you probably passed through it also... I guess it happens with everyone, not all the time you can resist for some monorails. That’s why I bought my roller blades...

That’s my monorail right now. What’s yours?

(by the way.... today I fall for the first time with my Rollers. Do you laugh about people that falls on the floor? I was built with this gift from God that I cannot laugh from any people falling in the floor. And I know that because I even saw some of the people that I didn’t like that much falling, and I didn’t laugh. People around me laugh like they were dying when I falled. :( ) – this comment is like the credits of Simpsons. :D Always have a surprise.

Stand-up Túlio

Resolvi fazer um vídeo sobre as coisas engraçadas que ando passando por aqui. Bem auto-explicativo :D